Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Unit 5: Online Greenlight Review 20/03/2012 (2)

Online Green Light Review 20-03-2012 Part 2


tutorphil said...

OGR 20/03/2012

Hey Emma,

I think you've nailed the story part nicely - a simple, courtship story that is bound to bring a smile to the faces of your audience. In design terms, my only issue is that 'Webster' doesn't have an identifiable face - which just makes the kiss a bit problematic; that said, in your drawings, I really love the one in which Webster appears to be smoothing his hair down - and I like too the drawings depicting him out of his pot. He's like some big-haired ethnic hippy or something. Maybe you need to make him more of a Yukka plant:

And therefore position his face at the base of the leaves - this means you'll need to think about putting a pivot point below the face area (the neck), so that your yukka can look up and look down and push its face forward etc.

In terms of character design more generally, I think you need to exaggerate everything still further; for example, make the daffodil's head bigger and its two leaves more expressive. Okay - so the content of this animation is wildly different to yours, but take a look for inspiration:

Notice too, how the 'white space' is used so imaginatively - so perhaps, when Webster gets his kiss, a similarly 360 degree experience could be initiated? You're going to want simple shapes used as expressively as possible - have fun with this...

In terms of story structure - I think you need an establishing exterior shot of the florists window - (just a window with the word 'Florist' on it), before we get into the interior - just to situate the action for the audience. In terms of soundscape, simple touches like having some muted traffic sounds accompanying the outside shot, and then, when we cut to the interior, you have the sound of the bell above the door going, and them some muted customer chat, which gradually fades as our focus is directed towards the characters... all of this will lend texture and detail to your world without you having to generate any of that content through drawing.

tutorphil said...

In regard to your written assignment - sounds really good - stylistically, however, how about moving the sentence that starts 'It focuses on the stylisation of...' to your order of points and integrate it there instead? Also, I think you can get things more concise; so instead of all the 'little words' as in 'Sources that will lead the investigation...' consider just 'Key sources include...'. Take another look at your intro and see just how many of those little linking words are actually necessary. Cutting these will give your tone an authority and focus. It's not a deal-breaker obviously, but fine-tuning is good when the content is already in place. Good stuff!